I hadn't ever thought of doing this, but my dear friend suggested I do to keep people updated on my heart and my health. I wasn't quite sure what to think of this...but if I can let God's light shine through my pain and uncertainty, then praise be to Him! This is all a bit overwhelming for me, so I'm not really suppose to be talking about it.
So I would like to say a huge thank you to all my family (immediate and extended), my friends, my family's friends, and people who don't know me but have been faithful prayer warriors through this journey. I am overwhelmed with the amount of support you've poured on me, especially from people I least expect it from. I can tell you all are praying because I have a peace that surpasses all understanding (which is much needed, due to the fact I'm narrowing in on my final weeks at Central).
-Today my friend Lauren (I love you!) and I were having a long talk and the topic of why things happen came up. And this reminded me that this is NOT about me, about my parents, or my family at all. When I was fourteen months old, I went through a very intense open heart surgery to repair a hole in my septum wall, among other things that come along with tetralogy of Fallot, which causes Blue Baby Syndrome. As hard it was on my family, I am reminded how God took something so ugly and turned it into something so beautiful. I have heard a few times, from my awesome mother, about how the nurses would come up to her and my dad and tell them that they were praying for me, even if they didn't believe in God, because they saw something different in them...I wonder how many lives God was able to save, to touch, caused to question God's existence....this is where my main source of comfort rests. God can use something so...painful... at the age of 22, and use it to bring glory to him all over again so people can see the hope my family has had throughout the years. Yes, life would have been easier for my parents if they had had a healthy baby girl, but God has His hand in my life and I can see His fingerprints all over it. I trust He knows what He's doing by allowing this to happen. I hope to be like Job and be faithful to my God, keeping my integrity, no matter what I lose or how much pain I have to go through.
So, as far as updates...I had an appointment last fall that indicated there was swelling in my heart, due to my narrowed right ventricle which was made larger when I was a baby. Since they had to make it bigger, it made my valve flaps barely come together and now there is space in between them, so my heart is having trouble pumping out blood to the rest of my body. I have been through the whole panic before, and it turned out to be nothing. Unless the ECHO (which is like a sonogram for pregnant ladies, where you can see images of your heart, pretty awesome watching it beat) is measured in the exact same spot as it was previously, it has been known to be inaccurate. This time was different. In March, I went to have an MRA (like an MRI) done (much more accurate) which confirmed the right side of my heart has gotten huge from a leaking valve and would need to be replaced. Nine cardiologists met together and "are pushing for surgery" so surgery it is. They said my heart wouldn't ever necessarily return to normal size but they could get it pretty close. I don't get what took them so long to see the change...but whatever.
On May 14, I will meet my surgical staff- surgeons, nurses, anesthesiologist etc. The whole team. I have been blessed as I received word that I was assigned the top surgeon in the hospital, without even asking. God is good! Pray that I have peace during this day. Going to the hospital can cause a lot of anxiety for me...especially because this is becoming more and more real to me, knowing that in just a month (or, then, it will be 2 weeks), this is really going to take place.
June 1, I will be the hospital for three hours, getting ready for the big day. I will have blood taken and all that jazz, I don't remember all what she said will be going on but hey- details, details...
June 2, I have to be there for surgery prep by 6 am. I believe my surgery is at 10 AM...but don't take my word on that... I'm not sure how long the surgery will be, I'll have to make sure to ask them. I will be in ICU all day and night following surgery, and hopefully everyone can go home and get a good night's rest. They said I will be in the hospital a good four or five days, so come see me. :) I might be at my worst but it is great to know I have people who love me and support me and are praying for me.
I would tell my parents to update this so you all know I made it through surgery fine, for my friends who are unable to call but are still worried, but I don't know how that is going to be possible unless my dad or brother happens to bring their laptop to the hospital and they have internet...so, to people who know my outcome, feel free to leave comments so people that I am okay. I'm not too worried about me making it through this surgery! There is only a one percent mortality rate- so if my odds were that bad, then it would be blatantly obvious that God was calling me home...and then, I could see my Memmers (Grandma Wright) again, who I miss DEARLY, so it's a win-win for me!
Mom and Dad, I love you two insanely! Thank you for being my never ending support system and being my soft place to land when I get scared. I wouldn't want any other people to call mom and dad besides you two! Don't worry Daddy Allen, I have an "awesome" dad too. :) Love you- let's get those over with so I can get out on that lake and get a nice tan!
If any of you are interested on keepinig tabs on the healthy Fleen child, he has an awesome blog about how God has blessed him in his running- duathlons, triathlons, etc.
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